Our situation is the exception. Not the rule. Not every former spouse is like what I've previously described. Its simply unique to our situation. This past year as much as I tried it not to be, was the "Year of the Divorce". With all I've learned about divorce, I still can't come up with what is better- staying in a bad marriage and dealing with the aftermath or getting out of a bad marriage and dealing with the aftermath. Each option is equally shitty!
Her motive was to erase him from their child's life. All actions by her and her new spouse pointed to this. Every 3 years it was more money, less visitation, less involvement. Stating that her husband had filled the role of father. Hearing from the child how she did not like it when they did have contact. Hmmmm, if her husband was so gung ho on being his father, having already assumed the position so to speak and my husband was no longer needed/wanted.....why not just do it?
So we offered her the option. Her "dream come true", she could have it all, erase him from his life, have your husband truly fulfill this "destiny " to be his father and go through with it, a real man would be honored to raise the child of his wife under any circumstance- right?
WRONG
Silence. She never answered. We literally handed her the paperwork for her husband to be "the father" (all they had to do was sign it and file it!) and she never answered. We proved it. She wants his money, his benefits and nothing else. On Dec. 31st she did not send her traditional "send me your financials, jack-ass" email. It was always noticed that she was a control freak. She wanted control over everything, not just how my husband interacted with his child, but how her child interacted with his father.
LIGHT BULB
If he was not allowed to call his father or request to see him, he sure was strongly discouraged from it. It all made sense now! The endless activities, schoolwork, the tight schedule, the need to have everything planned out so far ahead it didn't make sense. All in an effort to "innocently" prevent them from contacting each other. Good Lord, she was probably using the same tactics on her child that she was using on my husband! I saw what it did to my husband I could only imagine what it was doing to his child.
Its one thing to treat your former spouse the way my husband was treated but to see evidence that the same is being done to his child? Sickening. The only way to stop it was to get off the merry go round. So we did. Child support and benefits will continue but to continue to pursue a relationship is proving to be detrimental to them both so we will put that up on a shelf so to speak. My husband has faith that his son will contact him when he can. It may be when he's 18, it may be when he's in college. Certainly, when he has a relationship of his own and becomes a parent. He will want to know what went on. He deserves to know. My husband will be there to answer any questions he might have.
He is a great kid; straight A student at a good school, plays an instrument, a boy scout, active in church, lives in a beautiful house in a great, safe neighborhood. Lots of friends. He wants for nothing material. He still wishes his parents were together. I'm guessing most kids of divorce do.
1 comments:
I reinforce the last 2 sentences - I know that to be true not from my own experience but from several (many) close family members. I have also seen the results of a mother purposely restricting a child from their father. Have hope. While every brainwashed child does not return to their estranged parent, most do make an effort - from there it goes as it goes.
Has his mother had any more children? Not that I need to know, but this woman seems to be setting herself up for a son who will reject her in his adulthood also. I've seen that before, too.
Then there is any relationship his son has developed with his 2 brothers. Have hope.
Barbara
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